Becalmed I guess would be the nautical term.
When the wind has been taken from your sails.
Today started off ok, got up, did some laundry and went to work. I had an $80 COD parcel the postman had delivered to me by mistake, I was meant to get a notice and go in to pay for it when I picked up the package!!
I suck, I went to the post office and told them, paid in full for the package. I guess I could have claimed innocence and said I never saw the parcel and kept it, but Karma is gonna get me one day.
It felt good to do the right thing actually. Then I wandered into the hallway and BAM!
I run into 'HER', my sexy dream girl, my god does she look so fine in that nurses uniform! I cant help but to smile widely! We stop and chat for a while, I gaze again into those seductively deep pools of sultry, soull steeling beauty that are her eyes.
Again I feel she must sense something from me. (That creepy guy?)
She had bought back some DVDs and a magazine I had lent her, have a quick chat about her being in the process of moving ans she is looking for a flat mate. Just as we are about to part ways she does it.

Drops a bomb shell.

POW.

'Oh, I'm leaving in two weeks, I got a job elsewhere'.

My soul fell to the floor, my empty shell stared on at her.


Leaving?


I'm not sure what I said, if I said anything at all at first. I do remember saying, 'Moving on to greener pastures, huh?'
That's about it, I must have looked stricken, or at least a little odd as she seemed to search my face as I fumbled for a reply.
So she will still do a shift a week, I will have to work my way onto it!! At least she said she wanted to keep in touch, that made me feel better.
But now I sit here almost numb, silly really isn't it? Someone who I have no idea if she thinks anything of me and I'm so smitten that the discovery of her leaving has absolutely 'gutted' me, deflated, demoralised me.
I wrote this on the way to work, I though I shouls at least put something positive up......

I look into your eyes,
Dark seething seas of your soul.
What light I see, and long to reach,
To feel your touch, to know your spirit.
With gentle intent I seek your hand.
Come walk with me, through this dark valley,
Light my life with your tender love,
Let me care for you,
Let me show my devotion.

What I am writing tonight is somewhat dark I guess. I dont want to post it up just yet.

Oh baby please dont go.

How I have made myself a fool, I lament my love, bare my soul.

Yes it is true I have fallen, and never wish to return.

AJ.