So I have been trying to write.

Trying so very hard but nothing will come out.

Sitting here I have stared at the screen, I have walked for hours and sat with pen an paper but nothing comes.
Is this it? Has the only light in my soul finally died?

I just cant get anything out that makes any sense, not that I was any good at writing but I could occasionally blunder my way through a verse.
And now......

Nothing.

I couldn't think straight so I went out to spend some mindless time at the movies. Not much playing at all, so I see '500 Days of Summer', my first clue not to go see this movie was huge, in fact it stares right back at me in its very title.
Though with the usual male incompetence I wander off anyway. Now Zooey Deschanel is a draw card, quite an attractive woman. As it turns out she has beautiful eyes almost as stunning as 'her'. Serious, I have written some terrible poetry about 'her' eyes, such azure pools of quaint desire.
See.

Its a movie about unrequited love, just what I needed. Its odd that I identified so much with the lead character, he is in a relationship with his love. Me? I'm to scared to say anything to mine that is even close to being about a relationship. I keep coming up with things like this...

Women like you don’t exist in my world,
You’re just an image, sent to torment,
An occasional laps, you fall to me,
And I see your warmth intimacy.
Then you’re gone and I am alone,
To dream of you, in my darkened world.

See, pathetic. Again I just cant get the emotion I feel into anything.
I understand what it is like to be so intensely, emotionally involved with someone who does not reciprocate the feelings. Women like to think they have the market cornered in emotion, I'm sorry to say that is just not true. We men (Well some of us) have quite deep feelings, honest.
Though I so very much wish that I could be like most other guys and never really let anything in, or out. Life would be so much easier.
I 'feel' some things so strong that six years after my last relationship I still thought of her daily.
Now it is going to be 'her' I think of so much in the future even without having been IN a relationship?
Damn, I am so messed up right now.
Cant think, cant eat, cant sleep............ what to do.

Alone I sit and watch the dark envelop
I watch intently, beckoning the cold night
Dare the shadows to move, take shape
The quiet to be lost on a whisper
A terrible horror lay in wait, reaches out
Alone it takes me, never to see again.

Maybe I just don't belong in this world? One of those occasional screw ups nature throw out there?
God I wish all I thought about was sports, beer, and my mates.

AJ.