Purgatory

Again I sit here and time passes by so slow. A day seems like a month a week a year.
I long to see her so badly, to talk to her but how?
How do I find a reason to call her?
What would I say?
‘Hey babe, just thought I would tell you that my life without you in it is a hollow shell and I find it hard to go on’......
Somehow I think that wouldn’t work.
I miss her so bad I want to talk with her, to tell her just how I feel. But then I’m scared, yup, scared.
Do I send an anonymous letter? I think that would be a little scary for her really If I simply launched into what I have written she would run for the hills, but then how do I let her know how I feel? I guess I need to let her know that she inspires me to write like this.
That it’s not simply the usual male one tracked mind thing.
How do I tell he that I love the things she says,
I love the way she thinks,
I love her intellect,
I love that when she talks it is always worth listening to,
I love the simple sound of her voice,
I love the small things, the way she moves, I mean how can a woman make the act of taking a blood pressure so attractive?
I love absolutely those little 'crinkles' at the edge of her eyes when she smiles.
I love, totally and completely LOVE her eyes. Yes I have said it before but they are stunning, even the thought of them brings a smile to my face, to gaze into them sheer ecstasy.
Just seeing her there one night while she read a patient file, the humanity you see in someone when they think no one is looking is so exquisite in her.
That looking into those magnificent eyes of hers instantly takes me to a better place.
That I feel a connection with her that I have never felt before, like I have known her forever.
I guess it also doesn’t hurt that she also happens to be the most beautiful woman I have ever meet.
But how do I do that? How do I do it without making her think I’m a crazy stalker?
Bottom line is I want to tell her so badly but I am scared of the, in my mind inevitable rejection. The ’that’s so sweet but let’s be friends’.
Am I too heavily invested in this? I just don’t know what to do, where to go.
Should I simply let her read all of this?
I need help.

AJ.