Where did you go, my darling young one?

It’s been a long time since I last posted, too long. It’s not that I am losing interest or the ‘novelty’ is wearing off its, well, its despair.
Yes I got to see her again for a brief time, often we remember someone a little more idyllic than they are. I realised that she is still a much more wonderful person than I had in my mind’s eye. I got to give her the ‘Deadbeat’ gear, man I wish I could see her in the T-shirt, just the thought and I am melting!
The despair comes from the long time since I last saw her and the uncertainty of when I will see her again. I heard she was very ill recently, not often do I feel scared about anything but to hear of her illness all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and nurse her back to health, I wanted to sit by her bed 24 hours a day until she got better.
Instead I am powerless to help, relegated to messages of sympathy on Facebook. Oh how impotent it makes one feel!
I think I can safely say I love this woman, I thought once before I was in love but now these feelings are so much stronger than ever before. What should I do? I am trying to ‘clean my act up’ you know ‘get it together’ so my life may be a little more attractive. I have been so focused that without trying I have lost so much weight that most of my clothes no longer fit me. I had to buy a new belt as my work pants are so loose I can fit both arms down the front with them done up. I have shortened the belt by about 8-9 inches so it will fit me and I need to shorten it again.
This woman has such a power over me that I have no control of my body’s function! Of its own accord it is loosing weight for her, all I can think of is staring into those superb eyes and nothing else is important any more.
She is still my inspiration to write, though I can’t say I have come up with much that is any good lately. I need to see her again, maybe some early issues of deadbeat are in order?
Hmm, maybe, maybe indeed!
AJ

Tonight

Tonight.
I get to see her tonight.
I am both elated and petrified and I don’t know why!
I received her Deadbeat stuff so I can give that to her tonight, then I get to see her again tomorrow, you see I am on night shift and she is doing a late then an early, capping both ends of my shift.
We have chatted a little via e-mail, nothing encouraging but I am nothing if I am not persistent. It has been so long since I have seen her, it seems an eternity. In reality I guess a good month? But as I have said a month, a week, a day, a minute too long.
I hope I do not make a fool of myself somehow, I’m good at that. I expect that I shall be caught once again in those glorious eyes of hers, my how it is so hard to look away! I wonder if tonight may tell me something?
Maybe a small message, like an unusually early arrival in the morning? I know it’s sad but when I knew I was taking over from her I would be in a little early for hand over, but maybe that’s just me?
Aside from this a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders, soon I will be moving from this backwater of humanity I live in. Then I can start to invite people over, something I have avoided here. Start really networking, have her and friends over while he is away as he is sure to do.
God I hate hoping for ones misfortune to befall them, for my own benefit. It’s unkind and not, I guess ‘right’, worst of all for this to happen my beloved has to go through heartache. That I simply don’t want! What can I do, catch 22.

AJ